heartofalioness | Empatheias IC Contact

[Allura frowns at Usagi pounding on the table, but stays quiet. When she speaks she's calm but very serious.]

Yes, I do. Unfortunately, negotiating with people you don't agree with- even STRONGLY so- is an essential part of political discourse. [She points to Usagi's fist.] Frustration is natural, but that is unacceptable, and can even be dangerous in the right circumstances. What if you find yourself needing to discuss matters with a people's leader a hair's breadth from declaring war on yours? You need to remember that this isn't just about you and them, Usagi Tsukino: you have been chosen to represent the well being and safety of someone who cannot do so themselves. In that chamber, you're not talking for yourself but for them.

Edited 2017-09-08 22:00 (UTC)

I KNOW THAT! [She stood up... and took a deep breath, sitting back down and resting her head in her hands.] I know that.

But what YOU aren't understanding is that I have people who will seek my death no matter how I act because that's what they want above all else, Allura. They want me dead, they want my planet as their own, but most of all, they don't care about any suffering they cause, that's what they WANT. I'm not dealing with someone who is a hair breadth from declaring war on me, Allura. I'm dealing with people whose ultimate goal is killing me and that is what is on their mind the entire time. It doesn't matter that they can't use my powers if I die, it doesn't matter that only I or someone of my linage can use my powers because they're linked to me, if they can't have that power, then all they want is to destroy it. Or if not to destroy it, to prove they are stronger than me and kill me for that instead.

And even though that isn't the case HERE, I can't apply the same thing here because we don't even HAVE a queen of Earth until I become it alongside Mamoru. I don't know what, how, or WHY, but somehow I become queen of the whole Earth. Never mind all the countries on Earth, and all the governments, and everything else, I've got all that plus people just wanting to kill me for existing cause I'm in their way.

I'm not... I'm not ready for that. [She finally admitted.] I'm not smart, I'm not tactful, I'm not political...

I'm a dumb blonde who is the reincarnation of a moon princess.

Edited 2017-09-08 22:05 (UTC)

[She stays still and quiet until Usagi is finished, heart breaking for this brilliant woman with so much fear and pressure resting on her heart. It's something she has in common; sometimes she's happy for the camaraderie, but it's also something she would be hard pressed to wish onto anyone, especially her. After she stops talking, Allura gently rests a hand on her shoulder, and cold damp shadow begins to envelop her.]

You're not dumb; you can be very clever at times, and sometimes you're one of the wisest people I know. And... honestly, I have no idea what your hair color has anything to do with this, but I think it's a very nice hair color.

And I think I do understand. Most of the Galra Empire still feels the way about ME after all these years... and after I awoke, I felt the same way. My father's best friend had turned on him and incited his people to destroy mine, so I painted every single one of his race with all the fear and rage and grief and distrust I had for him. But there was a resistance cell among the Galra called the Blade of Marmora, one dedicated to slowly dismantling Zarkon's control of the empire from the inside.

[A melancholy smile crosses her lips and a few juniberries begin to sprout around them.]

It's actually thanks to one member named Ulaz that Shiro is alive and a paladin; he rescued Shiro from a year's imprisonment as a gladiator and test subject, and put him in an escape pod to Earth. If it weren't for him, Shiro and the other four paladins wouldn't have come together, and the Blue Lion would most likely still be asleep on Earth, Ciran and I would still be dormant in my castle, and my universe... I know now that the universe owes him a great deal. [She sighs and the juniberries start dying, the dreary aura intensifying.] Shiro wanted to meet him, to thank him and see how the Blade of Marmora could help Team Voltron, but when we did I was openly hostile, expecting him to betray us at any minute, and then later that quintant when he sacrificed himself to save us... I dismissed it as a ploy for the Blade of Marmora to gain our sympathy.

When we finally began negotiations with them, I almost refused what would be a vital component to finally ending Zarkon's rein, and... when Keith was revealed to have Galra ancestry, I treated him very coldly. One of my paladins, my new family, with Galra blood? All that anger and distrust, how could I reconcile that with the bold, practical, passionate, loyal, quietly caring young man that was chosen to literally be Voltron's right hand, the paladin of the Lion my FATHER piloted?

[She turns to Usagi for now.]

A similar principle's in play here, I think, although not nearly as extreme as mine. [Allura points to Usagi's heart.] You may not even be conscious of it, but all that fear and distrust of your past enemies, it might be putting you on alert when facing people of a similar mindset in the chamber, or even just normal confrontation if your stress level is high enough. And since the same tactics you would use on your enemies aren't available to you at the moment, that pressure starts building instead of being released. And I doubt that thinking of your responsibilities as Earth's future queen is only adding anxiety onto that, putting you closer to that threshold at the start. In short, you're in a whole new situation with too much mental pressure on yourself, and your body's building up a fight-or-flight response without need and without proper coping mechanisms.

Edited 2017-09-08 23:11 (UTC)

[Except that Beryl, Metalia, Wiseman, Nehellenia, Pharaoh 90, Mistress 9, and Galaxia actually just want her dead. Well, not the last one anymore. But the rest? Yeah, there was no "oh but there's a secret group who want to help the senshi." It was "Let's kill the senshi, let's kill Sailor Moon, let's take the silver crystal." That was it.

She frowned, not because Allura wasn't trying to relate, but because the circumstances were so different and not all that comparable.]

I don't fear or distrust my past enemies, Allura. I'm the one who killed them all. I have killed every single one of them except one who died after my saving her. And if I distrust them it's because I know that there is no... no secret rebel group, they WANT me dead, period. And if they show up here, they'll want me dead here too.

I don't like these people, even though I love them and will die for them in that committee meeting, I'm not... I know some of them would take great pleasure in seeing me hurt or one of them, dead.

I don't like being talked down to them, I don't like that they act BETTER than me when they NOTHING about me. Do you know how many people have told me how naive how I am? How I clearly can't understand war or death or betrayal? They're older than me yet I'm the one who has to act like the adult while they're petty assholes?

But I can't call them out on it, now can I? Because that's what the Arehtei need, I even get yelled at BY the Arehtei even though they're hypocrites. Everyone talks about balance and yeah, maybe I'm NOT balanced but I'm at least willing to admit it.

[Sigh.] I was speaking on a more physiological level than a conscious one- the body doesn't make much of a distinction sometimes- but thank you for clarifying.

Let me put it this way then: you're walking in the market one day when you witness two people arguing. One is furious, shouting and maybe even pushing his opponent, while the other is still and talking in an even tone. Whom do you side with?

Out the gate? Probably the one not yelling, but that doesn't mean the one not yelling is right.

Exactly. And most of the time, that "out the gate" reaction is the one that will stick with the other delegates in the chamber, no matter who might be in the right, if there even is a right. It's all right to be angry and frustrated, and there's a time and a place for passion as well, but it's very rare and more often the best course of action is to stay calm. Unless you can master at least staying externally calm? You'll not only alienate your antagonists, but any potential allies as well, Usagi.

[Her expression softens after a second though.]

Then again, you know all this already, or you wouldn't be taking steps to correct it. As I said, this is proof that you do have the potential to be a great leader. This a difficult skill to master, even for as vital as it is, but it can be learned, and I know you'll put everything you can into doing so. I'm honored that you chose me to be your teacher.

[She can't take the compliment ~~because Minnie is right~~. She has so much to improve on. She has so much to get better at and the list seems to only get longer no matter how many things she attempts to learn on her own.

This is another on the list. She wished she had never been told the future, because it was never her wish to be queen. She wanted to be a happy housewife, and in the four years of her becoming Sailor Moon, no one had stopped time to teach her to be a princess, because how do you prepare to be Queen of EARTH? Never mind a country, no, the whole planet!

She felt defeated before she got there, maybe she took politics when she was older, or economics, but she had never had as much self-doubt in herself as she did right now.

Maybe because the future seemed so much closer now than ever before, even trapped in time as she was.]

I'm a pretty terrible student. [She was lazy and without Ami threatening her she had little reason to improve. But she did want this...

Well no, actually she DIDN'T want this.] Maybe I should pull myself out of the committee until I'm actually ready. I don't think I'll be or have been any help.

And usually I'm a terrible teacher. Like I said, we have a month before the next meeting, and I have faith you can do this. But if you still feel unfit for the task come the meeting... then that might be a wise course of action, for you and the committee. At least this position is a voluntary one, and you can always come back again when you are ready.

Edited 2017-09-09 02:27 (UTC)

[She sighed. Maybe she SHOULD. But she also didn't want to give some of the people there the satisfaction that they may have chased her away. She shook her head.]

I can't... I promised to help this planet and... this is how so...

Do you really think it's the only way you can help this planet?

I know it isn't. But I also go on the excursions and help out at the Welcome Center and festivals. Don't act like I don't know there are other ways.

[Allura keeps her voice soft and calm, but still respectful.]

Easy, that wasn't my intention... My main question is why you're stressing yourself so much over this one area when you know you ARE helping in other ways...?

[She gives a gentle smile.]

When I arrived in this world, I seem to recall a wise young lady telling me that the war in my world didn't follow me here, and that I should take this opportunity for a mental and emotional break. And so far, she's been right. Perhaps the same applies to your destiny as queen? Especially since it's in your future rather than your present?

I guess... I wanted to prove I could help in things that didn't have to do with my powers. Not that my powers mean anything here anyways.

But I just... for once, I wanted to be seen for the apparent wisdom everyone seems to say I have and uses against me. Which by the way, you are now like the third person to use my own words against me.

I know... that I'll basically start from square one all over again once I go back, I guess... I dunno, maybe I just want to prove to myself as much as others that I can be the queen everyone is expecting me to be without magic.

Only because your words are so effective.

[She places a hand on Usagi's shoulder.]

I think it's admirable that you ARE trying to improve as a potential ruler. But going into politics to prove your worth, even if it's one motive out of the many altruistic ones you have, is not the right mindset. An effective leader seeks wisdom from others; there's a reason most governments have so many cabinets and council members and advisors. It's not just so power and responsibility isn't resting solely on one set of shoulders, but for the ruler's well-being as well. You'll have Mamoru by your side someday, as well as your senshi and I'm sure many other advisors and experts to show you how to run your planet.

And you're not alone here either. You have the other committee members as well, not just me. At the next committee meeting, along with participating, I want you to listen and ask questions. Pay attention to certain politicians you respect and how they speak, especially with the people you're having trouble talking to. Notice any specific phrases they use, whether they take breaths or drinks of water before making a rebuttal, their body language, how others react to them. There's even something to learn from the people that you dislike the most; take note of THEIR words and body language, how people react to the points they make, mistakes you want to avoid.

How do you not take something personally?

[It was all well and good to listen and watch and see how other people handled things, but that was one of her major issues. She could definitely stay quiet and just watch. She sorta planned on doing that next time anyways because of her disaster of a last meeting.]

And... I know I won't be doing it alone, here or back home. You have no idea how HAPPY I am that I'm not doing it alone and I have Mamoru and the girls. [Because on top of being queen, she also has a kid. Seriously, how is she supposed to handle ALL THAT and motherhood?] I wish... I wish I could remember all this though. If I really have grown into a better person I'd like to take all that with me.

[Allura nods with a sad smile, air growing a bit damper for a second.]

I wish I could take this with me too...

[Not have to forget how much closer she's gotten to her paladins, all the new friendships she's made, especially Usagi...]

Edited 2017-09-09 21:31 (UTC)

[She shakes her head, not letting herself thing about that now. There's a lesson to teach.]

If I feel annoyed or insulted when I first hear a comment, I do my best to not respond right away. I take a second or two to breathe, to go over what the person said again, why they might have said it, remind myself that they're likely not trying to attack me. In a similar case to your festival idea, I'd say something like "I apologize for not clarifying that point, what I meant was..." and go from there. That little acknowledgement, that bend, will show you respect the person talking to, and they'll respect you back.

If it's someone bringing up an idea I strongly disagree with, I do the same breathing and waiting, and then ask them to rephrase the point I disagree with in a calm, neutral tone. Perhaps a change in the wording will be all I need to understand it better. If you still disagree, lead by pointing out a part that you DO agree with or at least appreciate, so they see that the criticism is constructive. And in a forum situation, you can usually give another person the opportunity to speak instead.

And if they actually DO go for personal slights, you can either remind them of the topic of the conversation as code to back off, or stay silent to let someone mediate. Let THEM be the shouting, angry one, Usagi.

I can't... promise I'll be able to get this the first time.... or second or third. Like I said, I'm a pretty terrible student.

But...

[She took a deep breath.] I can try.

I mean, can't do any worse than I did before, right?

[Allura gives a pleased smile when Usagi says she'll try.]

That's what practice is for. We can meet a few days a week for short lessons, if that works for your schedule. And it'd also give us time for both of us to prepare topics to bring to the meeting: how to phrase them for the best clarity, and practicing answers to possible questions.

Well, I can give you my work schedule, if you want, you can come visit me too. I love being around you!

[She WAS going to offer to give Usagi her schedule too, when Usagi says that last sentence. A light blush rises to the surface despite Allura trying not to, and there's a bit of that sparkly steam again. Instead of trying to dismiss it with a cough, though, she merely smiles and nods her head.]

And I love being around you too. Let's schedule our next lesson then. And please eat, don't think I've noticed you're the only one who's had pancakes during all this.

Don't need to tell me twice to eat! [She digs in, because she had been holding off on eating so that she and Allura could talk, but she also didn't want all her hard work to go to waste. She only burnt 2 pancakes this time.]

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