Princess Allura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heartofalioness) wrote2017-02-14 10:41 am
heartofalioness) wrote2017-02-14 10:41 amEntry tags:
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heartofalioness) wrote2017-02-14 10:41 am
Image -> Action
Usagi? It's Allura!
[Action]
Come on in, Allura, house slippers by the door!
Sorry just don't want the pancakes to burn, taking the last ones off the stovetop! Will be there in a sec! Just have a seat in the dining room!
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How are you doing today?
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Breakfast is served! [She and the girls tended for a more traditional Japanese breakfast, but the point was pancakes since it was something she knew how to make.]
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Thank you very much; these look delicious. [She gives a quick but formal "itadakimasu," habit learned from sharing quite a few meals with Usagi by now, takes a bite, and the air begins to faintly sparkle.] Mm, and I was right!
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So why don't you start by giving me an overview of what was troubling you at the meeting. I was a bit focused on the discussion concerning arrivals. I'm... sorry I couldn't leave to talk with you when you got too frustrated, or afterwards.
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Then it was like people only focused on my ONE idea for a while and I know it wasn't the greatest but I just wanted to get SOME sort of idea out there to get stuff started but rather than using that as a "and here's another idea" sorta way, it just felt like everyone wanted to critique the one idea.
Now I don't even want to start up a topic no matter how important it might be.
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Reminds me of some of my first practice forums back on Altea. Thankfully I had a few classes with children of other nobles and politicians, from Altea, the surrounding planets, and a few others, so we could have hands-on experience communicating with other people and especially other cultures.
Even more thankfully they were just practice forums so those first arguments didn't have an actual impact on interplanetary politics; I remember myself and two other girls trying to settle one "debate" over tellurium crystal tariffs by tackling each other to the floor and trying to pull each other's hair out. Oh, you can IMAGINE how embarrassed my father and Coran were!
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While I don't think anyone would stop me from punching General Hux in the face, pretty sure it wouldn't help the committee stay peaceful. [Or that Kylo Ren jerk.]
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If you want my honest opinion, for a first meeting, you actually handled yourself... decently. Definitely in need of improvement, but you had good ideas, made an attempt at listening to other people, and when you realized you were reaching a certain level of frustration, you took a reprieve.
However, as you said, right now your temper and inability to be objective are your greatest weaknesses, and frankly I was surprised by it myself, considering how calm you usually are on missions, or on one-on-one mediation. Was anything else wrong at the time?
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I guess maybe the topic was the problem.
I'm... mnn... okay... so, you know how this world is all about balance? It's not that I can't hate, be jealous, or be angry, I can and I have been. But I have for so many years, fought with love, trust, and hope. There was never a situation I could not handle by not loving someone.
Even if Elios' condition isn't- wasn't all my fault [And she sure as hell blamed herself for it.] and that it had been going on for months... telling me "you suddenly have to hate," you know... just [Her fists clenched and she knocked the wood of the table.] It is so FRUSTRATING to have those JERKS who I've only EVER seen be assholes telling me how they can control and dampen their hate and anger if it's for the greater good but I've NEVER seen it.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to have those-those assholes sneer about my inability to hate when I've NEVER seen them show a single ounce of kindness or love but I'm the unbalanced asshole instead?
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Yes, I do. Unfortunately, negotiating with people you don't agree with- even STRONGLY so- is an essential part of political discourse. [She points to Usagi's fist.] Frustration is natural, but that is unacceptable, and can even be dangerous in the right circumstances. What if you find yourself needing to discuss matters with a people's leader a hair's breadth from declaring war on yours? You need to remember that this isn't just about you and them, Usagi Tsukino: you have been chosen to represent the well being and safety of someone who cannot do so themselves. In that chamber, you're not talking for yourself but for them.
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But what YOU aren't understanding is that I have people who will seek my death no matter how I act because that's what they want above all else, Allura. They want me dead, they want my planet as their own, but most of all, they don't care about any suffering they cause, that's what they WANT. I'm not dealing with someone who is a hair breadth from declaring war on me, Allura. I'm dealing with people whose ultimate goal is killing me and that is what is on their mind the entire time. It doesn't matter that they can't use my powers if I die, it doesn't matter that only I or someone of my linage can use my powers because they're linked to me, if they can't have that power, then all they want is to destroy it. Or if not to destroy it, to prove they are stronger than me and kill me for that instead.
And even though that isn't the case HERE, I can't apply the same thing here because we don't even HAVE a queen of Earth until I become it alongside Mamoru. I don't know what, how, or WHY, but somehow I become queen of the whole Earth. Never mind all the countries on Earth, and all the governments, and everything else, I've got all that plus people just wanting to kill me for existing cause I'm in their way.
I'm not... I'm not ready for that. [She finally admitted.] I'm not smart, I'm not tactful, I'm not political...
I'm a dumb blonde who is the reincarnation of a moon princess.
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You're not dumb; you can be very clever at times, and sometimes you're one of the wisest people I know. And... honestly, I have no idea what your hair color has anything to do with this, but I think it's a very nice hair color.
And I think I do understand. Most of the Galra Empire still feels the way about ME after all these years... and after I awoke, I felt the same way. My father's best friend had turned on him and incited his people to destroy mine, so I painted every single one of his race with all the fear and rage and grief and distrust I had for him. But there was a resistance cell among the Galra called the Blade of Marmora, one dedicated to slowly dismantling Zarkon's control of the empire from the inside.
[A melancholy smile crosses her lips and a few juniberries begin to sprout around them.]
It's actually thanks to one member named Ulaz that Shiro is alive and a paladin; he rescued Shiro from a year's imprisonment as a gladiator and test subject, and put him in an escape pod to Earth. If it weren't for him, Shiro and the other four paladins wouldn't have come together, and the Blue Lion would most likely still be asleep on Earth, Ciran and I would still be dormant in my castle, and my universe... I know now that the universe owes him a great deal. [She sighs and the juniberries start dying, the dreary aura intensifying.] Shiro wanted to meet him, to thank him and see how the Blade of Marmora could help Team Voltron, but when we did I was openly hostile, expecting him to betray us at any minute, and then later that quintant when he sacrificed himself to save us... I dismissed it as a ploy for the Blade of Marmora to gain our sympathy.
When we finally began negotiations with them, I almost refused what would be a vital component to finally ending Zarkon's rein, and... when Keith was revealed to have Galra ancestry, I treated him very coldly. One of my paladins, my new family, with Galra blood? All that anger and distrust, how could I reconcile that with the bold, practical, passionate, loyal, quietly caring young man that was chosen to literally be Voltron's right hand, the paladin of the Lion my FATHER piloted?
[She turns to Usagi for now.]
A similar principle's in play here, I think, although not nearly as extreme as mine. [Allura points to Usagi's heart.] You may not even be conscious of it, but all that fear and distrust of your past enemies, it might be putting you on alert when facing people of a similar mindset in the chamber, or even just normal confrontation if your stress level is high enough. And since the same tactics you would use on your enemies aren't available to you at the moment, that pressure starts building instead of being released. And I doubt that thinking of your responsibilities as Earth's future queen is only adding anxiety onto that, putting you closer to that threshold at the start. In short, you're in a whole new situation with too much mental pressure on yourself, and your body's building up a fight-or-flight response without need and without proper coping mechanisms.
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She frowned, not because Allura wasn't trying to relate, but because the circumstances were so different and not all that comparable.]
I don't fear or distrust my past enemies, Allura. I'm the one who killed them all. I have killed every single one of them except one who died after my saving her. And if I distrust them it's because I know that there is no... no secret rebel group, they WANT me dead, period. And if they show up here, they'll want me dead here too.
I don't like these people, even though I love them and will die for them in that committee meeting, I'm not... I know some of them would take great pleasure in seeing me hurt or one of them, dead.
I don't like being talked down to them, I don't like that they act BETTER than me when they NOTHING about me. Do you know how many people have told me how naive how I am? How I clearly can't understand war or death or betrayal? They're older than me yet I'm the one who has to act like the adult while they're petty assholes?
But I can't call them out on it, now can I? Because that's what the Arehtei need, I even get yelled at BY the Arehtei even though they're hypocrites. Everyone talks about balance and yeah, maybe I'm NOT balanced but I'm at least willing to admit it.
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Let me put it this way then: you're walking in the market one day when you witness two people arguing. One is furious, shouting and maybe even pushing his opponent, while the other is still and talking in an even tone. Whom do you side with?
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Then again, you know all this already, or you wouldn't be taking steps to correct it. As I said, this is proof that you do have the potential to be a great leader. This a difficult skill to master, even for as vital as it is, but it can be learned, and I know you'll put everything you can into doing so. I'm honored that you chose me to be your teacher.
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because Minnie is right. She has so much to improve on. She has so much to get better at and the list seems to only get longer no matter how many things she attempts to learn on her own.This is another on the list. She wished she had never been told the future, because it was never her wish to be queen. She wanted to be a happy housewife, and in the four years of her becoming Sailor Moon, no one had stopped time to teach her to be a princess, because how do you prepare to be Queen of EARTH? Never mind a country, no, the whole planet!
She felt defeated before she got there, maybe she took politics when she was older, or economics, but she had never had as much self-doubt in herself as she did right now.
Maybe because the future seemed so much closer now than ever before, even trapped in time as she was.]
I'm a pretty terrible student. [She was lazy and without Ami threatening her she had little reason to improve. But she did want this...
Well no, actually she DIDN'T want this.] Maybe I should pull myself out of the committee until I'm actually ready. I don't think I'll be or have been any help.
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I can't... I promised to help this planet and... this is how so...
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